toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
