god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You're so nebulous sometimes
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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