the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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