At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
