Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
