I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
