so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
