I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
