sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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