Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
