they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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