God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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