I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
