Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
