You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
