I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
