Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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