Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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