My liver just broke up with me...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
