Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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