There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
