you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
operation have a gay friend backfired
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
