i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need a beard to bite.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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