we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
