Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize