Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
