Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize