I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize