if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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