what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize