Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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