he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
