He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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