i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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