So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
