I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
