Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
