I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
