I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
