I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
