I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize