theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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