Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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