A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My feet surprised me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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