I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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