Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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