Need sex. Gaining weight.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
They took my balls.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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