I puked a lego.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
