I think I am morally bankrupt
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
