so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Jerry, you need to find god
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
