come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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