That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
