I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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