Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
