how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
