how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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