I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
