walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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