Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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