i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
