Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
