It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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