It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
