90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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