I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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