I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
