do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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