What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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