You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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