i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
