dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
