he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
