i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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