Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize