non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
