I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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