that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
