I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
