Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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