Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
