sarcasm needs its own font
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
this will be a night to untag.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
