His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
